Ok, so you’ve heard about blur-fuck platoon mates, how about cockanaden commanders. Our beloved Staff Sergeant S (SSS), a SAF regular who is our platoon second-in-charge, is one such person.
Battalion Exercise Joker
We were having our Battalion exercise – the one just before our ATEC, so our Brigade commander went down personally to see how we are doing.
We just moved out from our camp into our first holding area (I don’t know the correct term – it just means that we are going to stay there for the night). The first thing we are supposed to do is “stand-to”, which is something like to be in high-alert – this is done to guard against possible ambush when we settle in a new area.
So, we need to get out of our vehicles (we are from an armoured battalion, btw) and prone and be in high alert to guard against ambush. Trying to impress our Brigade commander, Staff Sergeant S ordered some people in our platoon to shout “bang-bang-gang”. (I don’t know the full story here because I was quite far from Staff Sergeant S). Either he just order the platoon to shout “bang-bang-bang” when no enemy is spotted (which stupidly gives away our position in real battle), or there is actually enemy spotted, and WE WERE issued blanks, but he just damn scared to order us to fire blanks, so told us to just fire “verbally”.
Either way, he made such a fool for himself that he was chao gan by RSM, “S***! What the fuck are you doing!!”
SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) Joker
Staff S took pride in teaching us how to do SOC, personally demonstrating how to clear the obstacles. – well, he was in his vest-slack and we in our Skeleton Battle Order, that is.
Finally, everyone in our platoon has passed SOC, and his turn to do the SOC came.
Guess what, he got stuck at the LOW WALL (that’s the bloody first obstacle), just can’t get his ass up, stuck there for 3 minutes, gave up, and FALL OUT.
Again, I didn’t get to see that humiliating scene. Someone from our platoon volunteered to pace Staff S for his SOC and told us. WTF.
Gana Arrowed to do CO Change-Of-Command Parade
Our RSM was basically arrowing the most slack regular to do something for our CO’s change-of-command parade. I guess he wanted to arrow Staff S one big one, but then I think RSM just scared that Staff S will screw up the important parade, so our Staff S is only given the petty task of Music IC: Finding a suitable march music so that the troopers can march in according to the music. There are standard march music in the SAF, but then our RSM wanted “something different”, “something refreshing” for our beloved CO.
And so, the first thing our Staff S did after he received his instruction from RSM was to transfer the arrow. Our fellow-contributor, Hai~Ren (who is my bunkmate hehe) is gana arrowed (as usual) to save his ass.
Staff S took his new task with pride – he drove home (during office hours) and bring back one whole trash bag of CDs. He brought HaiRen with him to go to RSM office to choose a suitable tune for the marching in.
I think Staff S just like to think that “MORE IS BETTER” – according to HaiRen who accompanied Staff S into the RSM office, Staff S poured out his own collection of CDs – pop songs, oldies, some Indian music(opps, revealed some info here).. blah blah blah – RSM was shaking his head and HaiRen was laughing inside: “You want us to march in the tune of… Ricky Martin??”
After gana chao-gan by RSM, Staff S decided to completely push the arrow to HaiRen – the initial task of “assisting Staff S to pick a song from his CDs” has been upsized into the task of “find a suitable song by hook or by crook”.
So diligent HaiRen helped him find a suitable song (haha the Imperial March from the Star Wars.. it’s actually quite cool to march in that tune), burn into a CD, and gave it to Staff S. Staff S then bring it to RSM, who wanted him to do some editing.
Staff S then hurried back into his office, and I don’t know WTF is he trying to do, tries to make a copy of Imperial March by SQUEEZing that IMPERIAL MARCH (ok, it’s mp3-compacted) into a 1.44MB floppy disk.
Squeeze a 5mb song into a 1.44MB disk? You give the floppy disk how many confinement plus guard duty it also cannot do for you lah!
And so HaiRen received an emergency phone-call from Staff S, asking him to go down to his office immediately to solve that problem.
Ok, I am pausing here for HaiRen to elaborate on this…
- more of the Legend of our Staff S to come… yes, Staff S with the S logo in front wearing red underwear outside ™.