I spent most of my army life in ‘S’ Company BMTC 2 in the years 1998 – 99. Most of it was terrible, although we did have fun times, and what I have seen is living proof that a recruit haircut and the number 4 uniforms does something to your brains.
The one with the itchy balls
This one is told to me by Marcus, one of my juniors in S Company and I got involved because the recruit belonged to my squad. Anyway the story goes like this; it was the first day of enlistment, and we had a heck of a time getting the recruits to settle in, distribute uniform, haircut, etc etc. So Marcus was the COS (the company orderly sergeant) that day, and boy, he was bushed, because he practically spent the day running around. So, the next morning I was the duty instructor, and called the platoon to fall in. And lo and behold, one recruit was missing. I was frantic! Where the *beep* did he go? Recruits are NOT supposed to disappear! Not on the 2nd day of their NS life! Of course, I interrogated his section. All I got were blank stares. Apparently, they too didn’t know where he had disappeared to.
I thought, heck it, I’ll march them to the cookhouse and get them for breakfast and then later I’ll go and find that idiot….and throttle him. And lo and behold, Marcus the breakfast COS, my ol’ buddy comes cursing and swearing at me. Apparently, this is what happened.
5am in the company line…..
*knocks on door*
Marcus: WHAT! I was sleeping! What’s your problem!
Recruit: Urrrr Sargent…..I cannot sleep….
Marcus: What? You want me to rock you to sleep is it! WTF!
Recruit: Urrrr Sargent….my balls are itchy leh….really cannot sleep.
Marcus at this time fights the urge to kill.
The commotion at this time wakes the duty warrant officer up, who JUST happened to be sleeping in the company line too.
DWO: Just let him go report sick.
Marcus: What? Sir…but….
DWO: NEVERMIND! Bring him to the Med Centre!
Marcus grudgingly agrees, and verbally abusing the recruit all the way, marches him to the med centre. For itchy balls.
The One that Cannot Clean Rifle
Range is one of the most important events in ‘S’ Company. Since it was the company that was in charge of training the rest in that island in range, we SET the standard, always with 100% passes in range. Of course, there are always those that could not hit the broad side of a barn. Thus, we cheated big time, but hey, it happens, right?
Of course, I was merrily being the instructor this guy beside me…. 2 months to ORD…. thinking about my gf and the coming weekend….blah blah.
Of course, it was time to fire. And so the target popped up. Of course the next thing that happens is of course gunshots. But not this one. There was a pfffft sound, that sounded like a fizzle. Of course, the recruit yelled IA! But the creepy part is that when he ejected the round, the round was dented and deformed, and some of the gunpowder was spilling out. Of course, me, being mega pissed off, grabbed the rifle and checked what was going on. I couldn’t see out of the barrel. Which meant that the chamber or the barrel was blocked.
The joker had left a 5 piece rod section in the barrel.
From then on, no one was allowed to clean rifles at range in ‘S’ coy. (For that period, I suppose).
2 weeks later, all the combined forces of the OC, PC, and armourer couldn’t get the rod out of the rifle. That rifle was written off, I suppose. I spent half that day writing statements and I must have repeated my story about a dozen times in front of the PC, OC, CO, etc, etc….
The one that looked where he was going….and fell down.
This one amuses me to this day. This recruit was a pretty decent one. He was the last person I expected to foul up. So what happened was, I was sending the recruits to breakfast. And they were expected to ‘run’ all times. So this guy later comes up to me with a wicked looking gash in his leg. The path between the holding area and the cookhouse had a grassy area with an old tree in it. It had roots and I reminded the recruits to look where they were running.
“Sargent, I injured myself, can I go to report sick?”
“Ok, but I thought I told you people to look where you were running? Why didn’t you follow instructions?”
“Sargent, I was, but I didn’t look up and bumped into a tree branch, and then fell down.”
I’ll do a re-enactment with Stikfas next time, for better effect, if I can.