Taking command and responsibility

Previously, in Army memoirs: Pilot, i said,

Such issues confronted me as i took command. Thankfully, i had an “upper-study”. Also, i entered a 1st-year battalion. That means, these young men have just enlisted into the military as conscripts. They are new to the whole concept of conscription and what comes along with it. On the other hand, i was entering into my 2nd year as a conscript. I had a slight upper hand. Or so i thought.

Taking command is not an easy feat. As recruits going through Basic Military Training (BMT), we think we know what is command. Those who have the basic educational requirements to go for officer training at OCS think that their experiences at Junior Colleges (JCs) or Polytechnics have already shaped them in some way to be a leader. Most of them are right. But not all the time.

You see, organising a class chalet or outing is starkly different from conducting a 5km run for the entire battalion at East Coast Park. Neither is organising a 1-week camp for your School's Sports team comparable to conducting a 3-day-long live firing exercise. They are different things, requiring different sets of skills, aids, and competencies.

Today, I will attempt to talk a little more about my command experiences as a platoon commander in the military. However, i will not relate it chronologically; it will get too boring. Besides, many of such experiences are common, like field camp, exercises, etc. i blogged about them previously (FTX, BPT, ATP)

i will highlight the more personally relevant and important ones.

~ ~ ~

I have avoided discussing this incident with many people. So why this change to broadcast it on the WWW? Because, i think its about time i take stock, share the experience, learn and move on.

I was the Battalion Duty Officer (BDO) that Friday. On Saturday i normally have driving lessons and my instructor could only make it at an early time of 8 a.m., coincidentally the handover-takeover time. I sent a message to Saturday's BDO, R., to come earlier. Of course he could not. Everyone is entitled to their Friday night. And coming slightly earlier for a coursemate with whom i spent 23 weeks suffering together is not possible for R. What could i say?

I did the unspeakable. I did what even a private would know is wrong. I left my position of duty at 7.30 a.m., that i might reach the driving instructor's pick up place at 8 a.m., that i might not lose 30minutes of driving time or good money paid for the lesson. Obviously my priorities are wrong. What is money compared to 30 more minutes in the camp, where i was entrusted with the responsibility to oversee the security and safety of the camp?

I was punished for my deed. Severely. I was charged and have a military record, forever to my name. I was denied promotion to a 2-bar full lieutenant when every of my coursemates and colleagues in my camp dawned the 2-bars. I was advised i should never sign on for the army (i actually intended to sign on as a medical officer when i graduate) Should i feel the shame? Yes i think i was meant to. But it was not that simple.

R. and the deputy operations officer (DyS3), T., are the main people who helped me learn my lesson. R. was lamenting to fellow officers (same ranks) during lunch on Monday on my deed, what i did. He was of course, just lamenting. He messaged me on Monday morning, wanting to "just let me know that 2 sergeants in his company did something similar and the Officer-Commanding charged them." I was still in slumber, i thought, "What are you trying to tell me? I did it already. What's your problem now?" I ignored his message, did not repent of my wrongdoing, and went about my daily duties as a tank PC.

During his lamenting, T. was one of the listeners. He called me in the afternoon to confirm if what R. alleged was true. I admitted, and was tempted to tell him, "Hey don't tell S3 yea?" But somehow i did not, i thought he wouldn't, and it turned out to be a wrong move on my part.

T. was a fellow armour officer. We too went through the 02/04 Armour Officer Cadet Course, though he was an Armour Infantry officer, and i was a Tank Officer. Our training was separate and surely the bond is not there. So that's that. Our only other interaction was during application to medical school. He was an aspiring doctor too. He was deciding between Monash and Melbourne, and my quick reply was "Monash!! It's only 5-years!"

The turn of events next was inevitable. Self-righteous* T. told my unforgivable deed to S3. I was summoned, reprimanded, and promised to be given the worst punishment i can ever get as an officer, less the de-commissioning (which requires the President of Singapore's approval).

* i mean this in a good way. a sense of righteousness that the right has be ensured and wrong should be punished. no compromise.

So i dealt with the punishment. I was to be charged. Thankfully, i had already signed up for Special Operations Force (SOF) selection. That was to be in the next 3 weeks. It provided an escape. I had one week left in camp, my meet with the Brigade Commander will be delayed, because they can't get things done so quickly in the SAF. Procedures have to be followed. During this one week, i told no one, not even my own family members or girlfriend. I only told close colleagues. And one i bitched to the most was Junren. He was both a running companion and a listening ear. Till now I cherish our friendship.

The 3-week SOF selection provided an escape from my camp, the people and reality. Here, i focused on surviving. I focused on staying mentally strong. I focused on forging new friendships and encouraging one another. I focused on not giving in to the taunts and mental games the SOF instructors played with us and me. I focused on staying afloat as long as possible, with this mentality in mind, "If i don't give up, they have no reason to kick me out."

Day by day the number of candidates decreased from over 50 to only 7. (Read here and here) Did i think about my punishment to come when i head back to my home camp? Hell yea. And each time we went through each of the designed-to-torture "evolutions", i treated them as a punishment. A punishment for what i did wrong. After all, I deserved it.

~ ~ ~

I headed back to camp at the end of 3 weeks, proud that i did not give up. However, soon after, the manpower officer carried on with the military law dealings and had me brought to the Brigade Officer to be charged.

I actually wanted to ask him this, but did not.

"Sir, what would you think of a fellow course-mate who 'pau tow' (tip you off so you get a punishment or scolding as a result) you?"

I really wonder. I struggled to think what i would think of T. On one hand, he did what was right in the duties of a fellow officer, in not condoning negligent attitudes. If T. did not realise it, it was also a timely reminder for the rest of my medical career of the importance of responsibility. On the other hand, many before me had done similar things, and fellow BDOs just keep silent and "cover up" for one another. In fact, we had a similar "T." who had a higher profile than many. He is the Prime Minister's son. He did something similar, on a larger scale.

~ ~ MEDICAL BLOGGERS COMMENT HERE~

On this note, i ask the medical bloggers (if any of you have been reading my boring account). Have you ever 'covered up' for a colleague's acts of ill responsibility or acts of negligence?

The textbook answer is out there. I know it. We all owe a duty of care to the patient. And in my military context, I owed a duty of care and responsibility to the soldiers of the camp. I have breached this duty of care. But legally speaking, it did not directly cause a calamity or incident to occur. Hence, it will be insufficient to charge me of negligence, because the conditions of breach duty of care and the negative outcome is directly caused by this breach are absent. I might have a case then?

Doctors, and nurses, we are taught that if a colleague is suspected of drug or alcohol abuse, and turns up for work, we are to report it to a superior. This is in the health professional's best interests and mainly, the patients' best interests because once again we owe them a duty of care. By not reporting such a case, and if an unfavourable outcome for a patient (e.g. wrong treatment plan) occurs because of that particular physician's poor decision making due to the influence of alcohol or drugs, will one be liable for negligence?

~ ~ ~

It had not been easy to come to terms, especially for a generally rank-conscious soldier like me. I walk around in camp as a 2nd lieutenant, although i know i had a year or so of experience as a platoon commander and officer. (2nd lieutenants in the SAF normally get promoted to full lieutenants after a year of acceptable service)

~ ~ ~
The tank sergeants came to talk to me when i came back from SOF selection. They know i had just been charged. They all asked if i was OK. I was extremely appreciative. Their concern helped heal the wounds. They told me the sergeants in R.'s company don't like him at all. They tried to make me feel better.

~ ~ ~

When i was coerced to take the Advanced Close Combat Training (ACCT) course when i was about to finish my 2-year National Service, we had to wear our army uniforms (no.4) which bore our rank. Everyone of my fellow PCs had their shiny new amulets with 2bars. I stood there as a 1-bar, in front of ALL the men, ALL the sergeants. I bit my lips, and went through those days of ACCT lessons and evaluation.

Then, as we were taking a break, one of my company's sergeants came to me, and we chatted about University, this ACCT we had to go just before ORD, the future, and plans ahead. Then he said it,

"Sir, even though you are only 1-bar, i still respect you more than the other officers with 2-bars."

That made my day, and my entire NS experience.

The rest of the posts written by Jeffrey can be found here in his blog.

Technorati tags:singapore, nationalservice, army