Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Cocksters Galore.

After reading so many entries about the laugh-inducing legendary blur kings from some of the authors I feel compelled to share some myself. Mainly because I've been tripped up countless times by their antics, which sometimes leaves me in I ain't sure should be tears or laughter. So, below will be a list of the uh, legends I've encountered so far.
Justin W H Gan
Nicknamed Sun Wukong aka Monkey God. He talks funny, acts funny, walks a little funny, and sad to say yes he looks funny as well. For the record, he has a problem keeping his mouth closed, literally. His nickname's derived from the fact that in 16 weeks at Tekong he still hasn't learnt to salute in the correct manner. Now try to imagine Sun Wukong scanning the horizon with his palm slightly curved, shading his eyes and you have a pretty good idea of how Justin looks like when he salutes an officer. When he was platoon I/C and had to "diam" the whole platoon to greet a passing officer, he never failed to make us break out in guffaws after he gave "At Ease" with his monkey salutes. Somehow he has a problem making his palm flat, his fingers will inevitably stiffen and curl up when he salutes. And back to his mouth. Throughout BMT we always were on his back, "eh Justin, close ur mouth lah. Knn like goldfish like that." But our CSM takes the cake with his rebuke. During POP rehearsal, Justin just had to be sized in the first rank of our company's contingent. And with that half-closed mouth of his it was a impending disaster. CSM walks down the front rank, sees Justin with that mouth of his and goes, "OI GAN! GAN NI NA BEH CHEE BYE! CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH CAN?! YOU WANNA SUCK MY COCK IZZIT?!"

W B Tan
I had the dubious honour of being this goondu's bunkmate. Actually he was a late addition to our coy, as we were a ptp coy but he was direct bmt who came to fill up the beds due to numerous OOCs. He's the epitome of one of the SAF's many unoffical taglines, Shag Cannot Think. Misfires, crossfires, he's been there, done that. Without fail his alarm clock will go off at 5am in the morning, without him waking up. And each morning his buddy has to go to his bed and knock him on the head with his clock to wake him up and get him to shut the damn thing off. Champion episode has to be the time when we were told to fall in in SOC attire and he started pulling on his boots while still in admin attire. He only realised after he noticed the whole bunk staring at him in amazement/bewilderment/incredulity.

Mohd Shafii
Our platoon's extras/confinement king. On a saturday morning before book-out he was confined for not push-ups properly. On his very first regimental guard duty he signed extra, for falling in late. Kena-ed sentry duty on alternate nights during 7-day field camp for allowing his weapon to be stunt-ed 6 times in 2 days, after which our platoon sergeant told him to consider signing on as a RP. And we still wonder if he did it on purpose. Enough said.

Thomas K H Thyng
This's the champion of champion cocksters. I've yet to see any soldier worse than him and I had the luck of being his buddy during my MP Basic course in SAFPU. Once he failed to inform me I was on the weekend's duty list after I booked out on Attend C and he insisted to my platoon sergeant that he already told me. The bugger nearly got me charged. Luckily my whole section vouched for me that I was never informed. As with the above-mentioned W B Tan, has a habit of not waking to his alarm and causing due grief to the entire bunk. Once he even woke us all up at 4am by screaming "FALL IN!!!" after he woke up and misread the time as 6am which was our fall-in time. I've yet to find out how he can read a 4 as a 6. Needless to say he was pelted with objects ranging from No.4 uniforms, water bottles, slippers and in the darkness I swear I saw a helmet flying towards him as well. With his tendency to cock up he was another disaster waiting to happen during outfield training. More often than not he leaves our sect com open-jawed and speechless with his bouts of blurness. If one day he ever goes to war, he would be a prime candidate to die of fragticide with his seemingly uncurable habit of charging into and across his section's arcs of fire. Still, the best bit of comedy has to be the time when we were outfield doing section fire movement. We were supposed to execute a retrograde, which in layman's terms means a coordinated retreat among the section in the face of overwhelming enemy fire. He was in group 3 of the section, which would be the 1st group to retreat while under smokescreen and covering fire from the other 2 groups. So a simulated smoke grenade was lobbed and the order was given from the sect com, "GROUP 3 MOVE!". He jumped up, and charged.


Merenwen said...


Good post, this, I can't stop laughing! Your CSM is damn zai.

lun said...

actually he was quite a nice guy, newly posted in and still finding his feet in the coy. i guess the sight of the half closed mouth on parade in the front rank was too much to take for him :D

kureshii said...

Justin Gan? Posted to OCS, Foxtrot Wing? If that's the guy I think I kinda know him...

lun said...

no way he got to ocs. he got posted to 3sib. anyway me and u are from different bmt cohorts. urs would be delta foxtrot, mine's alpha sierra tango.

kureshii said...

ahh ic. sorry 'bout the mixup.