Tuesday, March 29, 2005

The Day The BF Became An Officer

Ok lah! I'm sure you all know that my boyfriend was never an officer, and instead spent his two years of NS lounging around in Tekong's Foxtrot Company's armskote and store, and occasionally napping in his Encik's and CO's air-conditioned office (he was their blue-eyed boy for some reason, so he generally got away with a lot of stuff that other permanent staff couldn't), being a storeman.

Of course, his girlfriend, that is, ME, was devastated when he became a chao keng kia storeman. I had envisioned The BF dressed in the No. 1, receiving his Sword of Merit, and becoming commissioned as an officer, while I looked on proudly from the stands and later walked even more proudly on his arm at the Commissioning Ball (or whatever that dinner-and-dance thingy for commissioned officers is called).

I'd spun my grandoise fantasies of having a macho handsome officer boyfriend to the extent of imagining The BF barking orders at poor, unhappy recruits, privates, sergeants, and even warrant officers.

Who knows, he had to spoil it all by getting himself dumped into the Foxtrot store. His rationalised that storemen are incredibly important to the Army, because they're the ones doling out food supplies and battle equipment, and in the case of a war, should the storemen all desert or get killed, the entire army would be crippled, but it wasn't much consolation to me. I merely snapped at him, "And what are the chances of Singapore going to war in the next 2 years, you bum?"

He also pointed out that being a storeman gave him lots of chances to nap and talk to me on the phone while everyone else out there was slogging it out, and getting burnt and dirtied. I gave him my haughtiest, most condescending look and said, "So you think napping in your store constitutes being useful?"

But unbeknownst to both of us, there would come a day when The BF would "become an officer" for a brief few minutes, and it was partially thanks to me.

That day, I was on the phone with The BF. We were having a heated quarrel, though what it was about, I can't remember. So he was in an extremely foul mood, and looking for a lamppost or some other inanimate object to take his bad temper out on (being a private at that time, he had no more power than a recruit and couldn't vent his anger on humans).

We were still arguing on the phone, when he walked into the perm staff toilet. Now, for the benefit of those who are female, the perm staff toilets are reserved only for the permanent staff stationed on Tekong, and no recruits are allowed to enter them. He was also dressed only in shorts and nothing else, having just finished napping in his bunk (this is the life of a storeman, my friends). So there was no insignia to signify his rank.

Then at that point, he said to me, "Hold on for a while."

I then heard the following conversation loud and clear (The BF was using an earpiece, and it easily picked up background voices).

BF: What the fuck you doing here?

Unknown male voices (hesitantly): Huh?

BF: Don't understand English is it? What the fuck you two doing here? Which company you from?

2 unknown chaps: Delta company.

BF: You all never listen to orders is it? Recruits cannot use perm staff toilet, what the fuck you two come in here for?

Ah-hah! I thought. The BF found something much better than a lamppost - 2 poor hapless recruits to unleash his fury on!

Recruits: Sorry Sergeant, sorry Sergeant, we really didn't know this was the perm staff toilet...

BF: Hah? What? What did you two call me? (He was honestly staggered, because he'd thought these recruits should have known he was a mere private.)

Recruits: Sorry SIR! We'll leave now, SIR!

And The BF, being the non-scheming, friendly, kind-hearted person he is, instead of correcting them, roared, "Yeah, get out now!"

I heard a clattering and the flip-flop of slippers as the terrified recruits bolted for their lives, away from this "officer" who was in such a foul mood; skarly he make them sign confinement how?

He came back on the phone, sounding grumpy still: "Yah, where were we?"

By that time, I was too convulsed by laughter to speak. All my bewildered boyfriend heard was peal after peal of happy laughter coming from me.

For those few minutes, my dream had been fulfilled. The BF had become an officer with the power to treat recruits like dogs.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Merenwen said...

Anonymous: Well, you can't have been that bored, because you obviously read through my entire post before wasting time and space commenting... if that can even be called a comment.

So I say to you now: Motherfucker, if you don't like my posts/blog/whatever, don't be a masochist and read them. Bloody hum chee anonymous rectum with no balls. Split your ass open with your fingernails if you're this bored, you lousy cocksucker.

lun said...

rofl the comment induced more laughter than the post.

Merenwen said...

Lun: Which comment, mine or anonymous idiot's? (It'd better be mine. ;p)

dagger said...

Yours la by a mile. You're really mean to your bf in army you know that? First the POP now this...

Merenwen said...

Dagger: Thank you. Yes, I feel my comment rocks big time, even if I do say so myself. *smug grin*

And I'm not mean to him k, these are just... errmm... expressions of my affection. Yes.

fuck SAF said...

I suppose you find also find four very stupid commandos drowning their trainee amusing and a dumbass lady officer crashing a navy vessel killing four of her compatriots hilarious.

Mr Miyagi said...

hey, fack suf, you started a Blogger account with an empty blog. Looking forward to reading your stuff.

Merenwen said...

Fuck SAF: Oh yes, my friend, I really do LOVE seeing people die in horrible, tragic ways, ESPECIALLY when their deaths are caused by their SAF people. *rolls eyes*

Seriously, what is your point here? Are you trying to say I'm a bitch? I don't see anything in my post that would make you think that way. And if that's your point, then you're another one who should go split your own ass open.

Or are you trying your hand at some sarcasm which is meant to be funny and not an insult to me? In that case, choose a better subject other than tragic deaths, dork.

ahdokboy said...

wah you are very different from The Girlfriend; when i am enslaved in exactly a week's time, she wants me to be a chao slacker, so that she can spend more time with me.

Agagooga said...

Wah lao. Just one Zzzz comment and you start cursing and swearing like a fish monger's wife. You're worse than faith, man.

Merenwen said...

Ahdokboy: Different people got different views mah. You should be happy that your gf loves you this much! Anyway getting enslaved in one week? You poor chap! All the best k?

Agag: The crab is in. Anyway I always knew I swear more than Faith. ;p

Anonymous said...

ZzzzzzzzzZzzzzZZZZzz LOL

eh you chao ah lian! Curse and swear so much like a pirate when you don't get the hot press you want!

Jeniu said...

HAHA this certainly is entertaining can anyone continue it? lallalalalalalalalallal zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-Military Wife said...

Merenwen: There is little envy in having your boyfriend or husband an officer.

I am not looking forward to living in Bruneian jungle for a few years when my husband is posted there in the near future. I am not looking forward to being apart from my family and friends, putting my career on hold, being isolated from all that i'm familiar with and being mostly alone in a foreign land living on an army camp. I am not looking forward to doing nothing at "home" except playing the role of the loving military wife who washes his dirty uniform and polishes his boots while I wait alone for his return with nothing for companionship except an internet connection.

Military Wife said...

The Silent Ranks

I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens.
But I am in the military in the ranks rarely seen.
I have no rank upon my shoulders. Salutes I do not give.
But the military world is the place where I live.

I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get.
But my husband is the one who does, this I cannot forget.
I'm not the ones who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line.
But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind.

My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man
and the call to serve his country, not all can understand.
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free.
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me.

I love the man I married. Soldiering is his life.
But I stand among the silent ranks
known as the Military Wife

http://www.nightstalkers.com/nspoems/silentranks.html

Anonymous said...

wats the big deal abt officers? not being green-eyed here but seriously, just ask any specialist to do a job, and chances are he can do it better than an officer, minus the arrow-shooting, dagger-behind-the-smile etc.. officers are waaaay over-rated..

Beach-yi said...

To Military Wife:

For starters, it is not only officers with wives who get to posted to Brunei, certain specialist ranks do too.

Secondly, it is not that expensive to fly from Brunei to SIngapore if you get the pangs missing SIngapore etc.

Thirdly there are lots of things for an expat to do in Brunei if you are nature oriented and hopefully fitness oriented too.

Fourthly, if there's nothing really to do you can respond to the nation's dismal birth rates and participate to prop it up.

And about the boots, I hope thats a metaphorical way of saying stuff, cos SAF boots have greatly improved, very little polishing is needed nowadays.

Career wise, well, thats up to you and your family to talk about, shall not comment on it.

Well, I enjoyed Brunei while I was there as a perm staff and yes it was in the Jungle camp, it wasn't all sweet and sundry but it wasn't that bad too, I learned alot of things there and I hope to revisit the place in the future. (Not as a reservist though)

Best of wishes.


P.S to last anon:

Specialist aren't all that great too, they play their little politics as well.

ivan said...

Merenwen: Power trip.

Military wife: I admire your faith and strength.

Everyone plays politics, officers, specs and even privates and recruits.

kureshii said...

so many mistaken impressions here...

merenwen, officership isn't about the shoulderboard - that's for fooling little ncc boys only. it's all about personality man, personality. with personality and clout you can scold anyone you like, provided you have more clout and personality than him lah, and you know what you're doing.

heard of captains scolding LTCs (2 crabs), and my spec friend regularly scolds the pilots in his unit. even told off a major who requested he redo a proposal - 7 times - and not due to any fault of his.

little envy in having your SO being an officer? change the word "officer" to "regular", and you're on the right track.

what's the big deal about officers? you're looking on the wrong side. most old birds think they're seen everything, but there's really much more to see than that. you'd have to hold a logistics appointment to even get a glimpse of the other side though. the specialists can really chiong man, but when it comes to paperwork and other responsibilities they tend to flop really badly. i've seen exceptions of course, but sadly these are only exceptions, not the norm.

officer life is glamarous only when specs are looking. responsibility is not the kind of load you'd like to bear on your shoulders. this isn't wartime, but as junior officers your word can kill people really bad, and as senior officers your words can slaughter a whole chain of people along the chain of command and destroy careers overmight.

specs discover mistakes in admin, but all they have to do is report it like it says in their job scope. the final decision lies with officers - not a choice you would want to make.

Agagooga said...

The answer is obvious - she's blinded by her uniform fetish. Duh!

Military Wife said...

Beach-yi,

thanks for your well wishes.

I understand that there are specs posted to SAF units abroad as well. I was only responding to what i perceived to be Merenwen's fascination with military personnels in general. I read past posts where some ladies were discussing their preference for uniformed personnels and army regulars, because of the macho and unintentionally sexy uniform they have to wear.

Wives generally follow their husbands on overseas postings, whether in the SAF or otherwise. It is rather difficult to maintain a family unit as a cohesive whole, and to preserve the romantic love of a couple if they're apart for an extended period of time. It is more often than not the wife who gives up her career and hitherto life to follow the husband, and not the reverse.

You might know say, what makes the military wife any different from the hordes of expatriate wives so common, with our global economy today?

The difference is, unlike the expatriate wife of an accountant or engineer, the military wife often finds herself having to locate to not a pulsating city like Shanghai or New York, but to remote Army base in the middle of a jungle in an isolated part of a usually third world country.

Unlike an expat wife, she usually finds herself being detached and lonely from everything she's ever known and used to, in a completely alien environment. And obviously, unlike the expat wife, it is impossible for her to continue working unless her previous job was a forest horticulturist.

This fascination with uniformed men is not peculiar to Singapore or the SAF. Since i married a regular, i've come to discover there is a worldwide and widespread fascination in being a military wife/girlfriend. In the west, more pointedly in the US, soldiering is very respected because their soldiers actually go to battle and engage in real life and life threatening missions quite regularly. Here, the Chinese traditional disdain for soldiering remains, hence the term Hao Er Bu Chong Bing.

I guess guys just look very cute in uniform and boots, and i've to admit i was largely attracted to my husband when he was courting me because of how he looked in his uniform.

I no longer feel excited when i see him come home in his uniform anymore like i used to, but i will always feel protected and loved, and it's nothing to do with his uniform or profession.

HCJC boy said...

Delta Company? Delta Company in BMT is known as the Scholar's platoon.

Your bf the private cum most likely useless bum shouting at them would be the last time he ever gets to raise his voice at anyone from that platoon, many of whom become army generals, top civil servants and HODs in ministries/stat boards.

Hahaha!

Super Patriot said...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Merenwen: we serve NS so that bitches like you have the freedom to spew profanities shamelessly and feel smug doing so. your loser of a bf deserves you!

and if you don't have any interesting stories to tell just shut the hell up instead of trying to seek attention all the time.

yourregularsoldier said...

she's a freaking fat ass who thinks she's some knock out hot babe. have you guys read her blog where she claimed to be a super hot goddess?

no wonder she can only get a loser private as a better half.

lazylurker said...

Oh i read it. She has an arsenal of friends who deludedly pronounce her 'plump but pretty' and 'can always diet'. Apparently the term 'fat and ugly' is truthful thus it eludes them.

Can someone tell the girl no amount of slim10 ingesting will change her God-bestowed ugly face and juvenile attitude? She actually thinks her NUS arts degree and psychology major is of any value. The only arts related program in NUS that's not a dumping ground is law fac.

I wish she'd quit polluting this blog with stories of her fantasies of Army regulars in no.4 and her legion of loser BFs not making it to OCS.

Merenwen said...

I find it really amusing how, when all these people proclaim to hate me, hate my blog, hate my writing, hate my army stories, yet they still continue reading me repeatedly, greedily digging up my archives and reading them all, and in general subjecting themselves to sadomasochism. Heh.

lazylurker said...

fatty: Cos everyone always laps up a joke from fools. Think Charlie Chaplin and Rowan Atkinson.

Mr Miyagi said...

Whoa there now churren, here's a suggestion: TAKE IT OUTSIDE!

Army of me said...

This is where taxpayers' money goes to? Educating law students who can't seem to think rationally and stoop to low levels of superficial insult-slinging.Jesus. Lazylurker: My dear, that coveted law degree is wasted on you. Apparently other than rote learning, it hasn't seemed to have increased your intellect any. You poor darling, don't you have any friends? Is that why you have to resort to insulting people you don't even know online? It's a sad life you lead, my dear, carving out friends and enemies in your little online world.

Is it because you are grossly deformed and ugly that you have to stick to online insulting, because if you do it to someone's face, they will probably bash your face in because they cannot stand the sight of it? Now feel free to visit my blog and leave you puny little barbs there. I'm on a campaign to educate the misinformed. By the way the market is saturated with lawyers and by the time you grow up, we will need more psychologists because of people like you. Remember that dearie...

And to the rest who felt a need to air their 2 cents worth to boost their little self-esteems, you will always be in my prayers. May you have friends AND a life sometime in the near future so that you don't have to resort to such ways to gain attention or feel good about your sad little selves..

Sorry Mister Miyagi, I know you said to take this outside but I just couldn't resist.

lazylurker said...

Yet another ignorant fool that no one but kind me bothers to correct.

1) there is a shortage of lawyers, as opposed to the mistaken impression of ignorant laymen who always try to claim otherwise. That is why the starting salaries of lawyers have been going up.

Also, they've relaxed the entry requirements into NUS law (which basically is a dump in my eyes) because of the urgent need for more lawyers.

Please refrain from spouting rubbish about a subject matter you know NOTHING about, and risk misinforming the public.

2)We'll need more psychologists?! NUS psychology majors end up as two things. 1) teachers 2) civil servants. Are you aware that to be a clinical psychologist in Singapore, you need post graduate certification? As for psychiatrists, you'll need a MBBS first.

Nobody here needs an esteem boost here except for Merenwen. Duh! It's just tragic how evident this all is to onlookers.

Army of me said...

Lazylurker:

*pats on the head patronizingly* There, there my dear. You need friends. Is that why you're bitter? Nice try for passing off your lack of life as an attempt to educate me. However, education seems to be wasted on you. It hasn't taught you the finer aspects of communal living. Just out of curiosity, are you this bitter because someone bitchslaps you every time you open up that mouth to talk in public? Is that why you have to confine your cheap thrills to the net?

I'll take your word on the law statistics because obviously you must have spent a lot of time looking it up online instead of being out with friends. Oh what am I saying, the concept of friendship is lost on you.

Amusing how you speak of "spouting rubbish on a subject you know nothing about" but can't seem to apply the rationale to your poor little deluded self. We are aware of what it takes to practise psychology in Singapore and elsewhere. What amuses me is that u immediately discredited Sheena's CURRENTLY ongoing psychology degree in NUS. It's blatantly obvious that you're unaware of Sheena's future plans for furthering the degree but that again, is besides the point. The irony here is that you spout a helluva lot of rubbish on something you know nothing about.

Now once again, let me reiterate this to you very slowly. Look up a dictionary if you need to. Your law degree is absolutely wasted on you as you are nothing but a social aberration and I say this in all objectivity.Don't take it as an insult my dear, it's merely a fact of life. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move on with life.

If this is what our future lawyers are like, I do hope that you will do us a favour, leave the country and be a paralegal elsewhere. God bless us all, if you've left the country already.

Now instead of boring us with redundant statistics, why don't you tell us what it's like to be unloved, friendless and stuck at home with nothing but your trusty cucumber? Obviously that is the reason why you channel your malice and viciousness online.

I suggest you get yourself a blow up doll and talk to it instead of denigrating people you know nothing about and in the process wasting the time of people like me who have much to do with our times.

Army of me said...

Lazylurker:

*pats on the head patronizingly* There, there my dear. You need friends. Is that why you're bitter? Nice try for passing off your lack of life as an attempt to educate me. However, education seems to be wasted on you. It hasn't taught you the finer aspects of communal living. Just out of curiosity, are you this bitter because someone bitchslaps you every time you open up that mouth to talk in public? Is that why you have to confine your cheap thrills to the net?

I'll take your word on the law statistics because obviously you must have spent a lot of time looking it up online instead of being out with friends. Oh what am I saying, the concept of friendship is lost on you.

Amusing how you speak of "spouting rubbish on a subject you know nothing about" but can't seem to apply the rationale to your poor little deluded self. We are aware of what it takes to practise psychology in Singapore and elsewhere. What amuses me is that u immediately discredited Sheena's CURRENTLY ongoing psychology degree in NUS. It's blatantly obvious that you're unaware of Sheena's future plans for furthering the degree but that again, is besides the point. The irony here is that you spout a helluva lot of rubbish on something you know nothing about.

Now once again, let me reiterate this to you very slowly. Look up a dictionary if you need to. Your law degree is absolutely wasted on you as you are nothing but a social aberration and I say this in all objectivity.Don't take it as an insult my dear, it's merely a fact of life. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move on with life.

If this is what our future lawyers are like, I do hope that you will do us a favour, leave the country and be a paralegal elsewhere. God bless us all, if you've left the country already.

Now instead of boring us with redundant statistics, why don't you tell us what it's like to be unloved, friendless and stuck at home with nothing but your trusty cucumber? Obviously that is the reason why you channel your malice and viciousness online.

I suggest you get yourself a blow up doll and talk to it instead of denigrating people you know nothing about and in the process wasting the time of people like me who have much to do with our times.

lazylurker said...

Cheong Hei one cell organism:

i didn't even bother reading through your diatribe. A quick glance tells me that everything you've said was mainly rubbish, going on and on about how lack of life and bitchslap open mouth? COMPLETELY UNPALATABLE TOSH!

Basically the same point regurgitated in numerous guises.

Kudos however to your creative ability to vomit more than 400 words spread over 7 paragraphs talking about BASICALLY NOTHING!

You made NO cogent point to defend your previous allegations against my profession, to defend your bunch of LOSER FRIENDS or against previous points i made about Merenwen having no sense of SHAME.

Everyone reading this blog probably by now, is pronouncing Merenwen and her bunch of friends subnormal in intellect.

Good gawd! What look up law statistics online?!!?! Even if i were still an undergrad, all law undergrads would know the market they're entering like the back of the hand, wouldn't they? All you and your other single cell organism friends amuse everyone here.

Unaware of future plans of Sheena?!?! Hahaha what future plans she may have doesn't figure to me one bit. She's just one of the thousands of CCD students thrown into NUS FASS dumping ground every year. What future plans?! HAHAHHAHA!

Finally, you amoebas should really quit embarrassing yourselves on this blog any further. This only serves to channel MORE onlookers to her blog, where her obvious desperation and stupidity are displayed to their full glory. I myself was lured to her blog from HERE after so many people HERE said she's shameless, ugly, fat and attention seeking.

Her feeble argument to that Lunch at Tiffany's, is so lame i almost had stomachache from laughing!!

She claimed the shameless post about her being a hot babe is a SATIRE, when actually the only satire is the pathetic one-woman justification post she made (the one where she admits she's FAT AND UGLY). The post where she claimed SHE THINKS SHE'S SUPER PRETTY certainly wasn't made in that tenor! Now who are all you fools trying to fools?! Other amoebas maybe?! Can't believe she tried to save her FACE now by claiming jest! Good Grief!

The most pathetic thing is how she claims she only banned those IPs because she doesn't want stupidity on her blog! FASS standard crowing brains?!?! This is SO pathetic, i really feel for you poor things, especially her.

And i'm so sure most readers of Armystories, including the posters on her blog (tiffany, 2 disgusteds, etc) feel the same!

The rest of the Armystories guys like Lun, Kureshii, Agagooga and more are probably keeping quiet while stifling their condolence-smacked giggles at this debacle.

I think we should all set up some kind of CHARITY FUND for all you underachieving, ugly and fat people with no sense of self-awareness.

lun said...

lazylurker: dude, i just need to set the record straight. dun assume, and dun u dare put words into my mouth. the reason i keep quiet is that a simple post sharing an anecdote about sheena's boyfriend's ns experience has degenerated into a mudslinging, name-calling and one-upmanship contest. this is immature and absolutely uncalled for, and i see no need for me to partake in the trading of insults. yes u're free to speak ur mind, and post comments (subject to moderation), but at the end of the day, bear in mind that whatever sheena posts on her own blog, it is still HER blog. if u're unhappy with what she writes there, i have a solution for u. just dun read. im sure no one's forcing u to do so. notice that her posts here are in rather stark contrast to her posts on her own blog. she's mature and responsible enough to recognise that it is not at her discretion to post frivolous entries here as and when she likes as this is a shared blog. if u have any objections about her posts here, u're very welcome to voice them out to the moderator of the blog. from ur comments and criticism regarding sheena and nethia, i see that u have much to learn in terms of morality and maturity.

HCJC boy: ur comment amuses me i must say. correct me if i'm wrong, but i believe that judging by ur name here, its safe to presume that u're perhaps still in HCJC, and thus a civilian. yes, it is true that delta coy's generally referred to as the scholar company in BMTC. however, it should be noted that every coy in BMTC has about 3 intakes per year, 1 of which would be the scholar intake, with a lull period in between as well. may i ask how're u so certain that the 2 recruits as mentioned in the post are from the scholar's intake, which is usually in january? allow me to inform u that delta coy is a coy staffed by warrant officers, hence referred to as a "warrant coy". and if u didn't know, hardened, ill-disciplined juvenile deliquents who've been interned at The Boy's Home are usually posted to warrant coys (delta and leopard coy) as well. this is because warrant officers are generally much more particular about, and suited for enforcing discipline in the ranks than the commissioned officers in the BMTC coys who're NSFs. the 2 afore-mentioned recruits could've well been from the "pai kia" intake. once again i have to say that one should not assume. and if u're really a civilian still, may i suggest u keep ur comments about the army to urself, for u would have had no military experience and thus unqualified to make comments and observations about the army. sure, u can argue all u want that u have friends telling u how's life like in the army, but u're a civilian still. u won't know it till u've experienced it for urself. and let me tell u this. we soldiers view with contempt greenhorn recruits and ignorant civilians who behave like they know everything about the army, when its clear that all they possess is second-hand information, much of which are unverified myths. having said that, i stand corrected, if u do turn out to be a military personnel after all. even if that's the case, i maintain that ur comment above's rather misguided.

lazylurker said...

The loser's kept quiet finally huh? hur hur

lun: i think HCJC boy meant, even if out of 3 intakes, 1 is the scholar's intake, there's a 1/3 chance that it WAS the scholar's intake. As opposed to any other company that 100% is NOT the scholar's company for sure.

Ironic isn't? Some moronic underachieving private, probably with no degree or formal education since he worked instantly after his ORD, throwing a hissy fit at a scholar who will governing his sorry ass in a decade's time, and his pathetic gf feeling smug about it.