As with the cliche out with the old, in with the new, we had our brand new 6-inch mattresses delivered this week; albeit with double-decker bed frames. Finally, we could have beds where I could stretch out my legs fully without touching the frames, not have beds where the sponge peeled off every time one changes the bed sheets (up till a point where I figured it would eventually disintegrate).
A downside to our welfare was that we had to carry the bedframes up 5 levels; along with our mattresses and I can tell you it was no easy feat as our mattresses were located at the hall and we had to go up another couple of levels to get them.
I thought double decker beds were of my father's era and that they had eventually been phased out due to the repeated and increasing numberof injuries suffered by serviceman. Just only recently, a recruit got his head chopped off by the ceiling fan as he climbed onto his bed. Ok, I exaggerate about his head being chopped off but the rumours speculating were that he was trying to commit suicide by letting the fan cut his head and eventually had his blood splattered as graffiti around his plain looking bunk. Of course we now know that it was purely an accident and you can spot the recruit easily from the rest as he looks like a mummified soldier with his head bandaged up.
Oh well, as I quote one of my bunkmates:
"We seem to be taking one step forward, but infact we are taking two steps backwards with this move."
How aptly described.
(Not being racist or demeaning to bangladeshis or anything) but we now basically cover what bangladeshi workers do, with nearly the same amount of pay and slightly less benefits - we do construction work (yeah we operate all the machinery you see on the roads), sweep roads, clean toilets, furniture transportation, and the mix, so what's next?
We also had our beret presentation this week, resulting in a flurry of activity whenever we fall in for lunch as everyone jostles to ensure that their beret is near and in order (alright, me included). Well, not that there are any women to impress but vanity is the name of the game. MAB are back in action as well, my propellant move to the higher echelons has seen me waking up having been attacked by a deluge of MAB, leaving me persistently scratching and cursing for hours. Need to reload on my OFF soon i reckon.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Friday, May 06, 2005
Loggies guide to having your way in your department
As a loggie myself I've been to many admin and logistics departments, and I always notice a common trend. There are smart people who seem to know how to get their way in the department, and others who constantly seem to be getting into trouble.
So I've compiled this guide for people who aren't afraid of putting in a little extra effort to gain a whole lot more out of your NSF experience. For those born with a disposition to slacking, the suggestions here may seem too difficult. This guide is probably not for you. If you are interested in burning a few weekends and putting in some extra effort for the unparalled benefit of gettign your own way in your department with the backing of your superiors, read on.
1. Make yourself indispensable. Do your work fast, don't procrastinate. If you can't do it one way, try another. Your superiors will appreciate you much more if you're the kind that can help them get things done.
2. Offer your help where you know your boss needs it most. Of course, this requires you to have intimate knowledge of your boss' main projects and workload. Don't be afraid to ask; he/she will probably be more than willing to tell you. Try not to go out of your job scope though; if you're the admin clerk it's okay to go a little into the logistical side, but don't dabble too much in maintenance, it will kill you. Of course, if you have really intimate knowledge of the department's inner workings, your'e ready to be king of the hill.
3. Dont' be afraid to put in extra man-hours if you have to. Especially when your boss is putting in extra hours too. This is usually the perfect time to develop a better working relationship with your boss. Get to know his main anxieties. If you want, go ahead and mention holidays you wish to take in the future. If it is les than a month away, don't bother. Test the waters first.
4. Keep your boss updated. Tell him what's wrong on yoru side, and what you're doing to rectify things. He/she wants your assurance that things are normal and you'er working to keep them as such. Telling him/her that thigns are perfect when they're not is only going to put a time bomb in your hands.
5. Don't. Ever. Shout. At. Your. Boss. Yes, it is unfair that he/she can shout at you and you can't shout back, but that's the way thigns are. And besides, there's no faster way to throw your effort away.
6. Be beyond fault. Don't do really dumb things like keep your hair down to your neck, or wearing your shirt tucked out in full view of people outside your department. Feel free to take a few liberties, like wearing PT kit in the store, but not too many. If other people complain about you, make them sound like nit-picking assholes.
Once you feel things are going really well between you and your boss, it is time to start having your way.
7. Learn when to ask for favours. Don't ask when everyone else is asking. Don't ask when the department is going through a crisis. don't ask when your boss is in a bad mood.
8. Learn how to ask for favours. Always provide a good reason. Smoke a little if you have to. It could be your best friend's birthday, or perhaps you have to pick up something, but don't ever fake the demise of a close one. If possible, take the whole day off but show your face for at least 15 min at the start or end of the day - it goes down somewhat better. And always follow up your request with details of arrangements for others to cover your duties, or at least of the steps you have taken to ensure thing swill not go haywire when you disappear (e.g. settling stuff which isn't due for another few days).
9. Learn the reasons for asking for favours. Don't ask for days off when you know that all you're going to do is sit home and slack - you're just wasting imperial favour. If it's something really important, like Mambo night or something, try to at least stay the morning to talk to your boss/colleagues (relationship/building, we call it) before running off. And if things suddenly need to be done, don't run away and disappear - it reflects really badly on you. Stay a little while, and once everyone seems to have something to do, announce that you would really love to stay but have to leave there and then. It's all about tact, people.
10. Get an understudy. It's no good being the only indispensable guy around - sometimes they really need you. The attention goes a long way in helping you get what you want, but if you can get another subject into the limelight you can retire from your duties and continue to enjoy imperial favour at the same time. Talk this over with your boss, express concern that after you ORD things might start spiralling downwards. Don't wait until it's too late. Get a reliable understudy, not some dumb slack shit, and start teaching him. If you are so capable the duties you handle can't be covered by one person alone, get two. Teach them well, slowly hand over your duties to them, and tiptoe out of the limelight. Chip in occasionally on more important matters so you don't look like you're slacking. Whenever people ask, say you're supervising. Of course, don't forget everything you've learned from your job. Not ORD yet, leh.
Once things are in place, you have the favour of your big boss (the biggest guy in the department; the smaller ones are not so important, though it's good to get some support there. otherwise, your'e good as long as they don't hate you) and you have someone to cover your duties, you're good to go. take off whenever you see the need to. if you can't, try taking leave. if that fails, don't push your luck. If you take things slowly you can probably still get one or two days off per fortnight.
So I've compiled this guide for people who aren't afraid of putting in a little extra effort to gain a whole lot more out of your NSF experience. For those born with a disposition to slacking, the suggestions here may seem too difficult. This guide is probably not for you. If you are interested in burning a few weekends and putting in some extra effort for the unparalled benefit of gettign your own way in your department with the backing of your superiors, read on.
1. Make yourself indispensable. Do your work fast, don't procrastinate. If you can't do it one way, try another. Your superiors will appreciate you much more if you're the kind that can help them get things done.
2. Offer your help where you know your boss needs it most. Of course, this requires you to have intimate knowledge of your boss' main projects and workload. Don't be afraid to ask; he/she will probably be more than willing to tell you. Try not to go out of your job scope though; if you're the admin clerk it's okay to go a little into the logistical side, but don't dabble too much in maintenance, it will kill you. Of course, if you have really intimate knowledge of the department's inner workings, your'e ready to be king of the hill.
3. Dont' be afraid to put in extra man-hours if you have to. Especially when your boss is putting in extra hours too. This is usually the perfect time to develop a better working relationship with your boss. Get to know his main anxieties. If you want, go ahead and mention holidays you wish to take in the future. If it is les than a month away, don't bother. Test the waters first.
4. Keep your boss updated. Tell him what's wrong on yoru side, and what you're doing to rectify things. He/she wants your assurance that things are normal and you'er working to keep them as such. Telling him/her that thigns are perfect when they're not is only going to put a time bomb in your hands.
5. Don't. Ever. Shout. At. Your. Boss. Yes, it is unfair that he/she can shout at you and you can't shout back, but that's the way thigns are. And besides, there's no faster way to throw your effort away.
6. Be beyond fault. Don't do really dumb things like keep your hair down to your neck, or wearing your shirt tucked out in full view of people outside your department. Feel free to take a few liberties, like wearing PT kit in the store, but not too many. If other people complain about you, make them sound like nit-picking assholes.
Once you feel things are going really well between you and your boss, it is time to start having your way.
7. Learn when to ask for favours. Don't ask when everyone else is asking. Don't ask when the department is going through a crisis. don't ask when your boss is in a bad mood.
8. Learn how to ask for favours. Always provide a good reason. Smoke a little if you have to. It could be your best friend's birthday, or perhaps you have to pick up something, but don't ever fake the demise of a close one. If possible, take the whole day off but show your face for at least 15 min at the start or end of the day - it goes down somewhat better. And always follow up your request with details of arrangements for others to cover your duties, or at least of the steps you have taken to ensure thing swill not go haywire when you disappear (e.g. settling stuff which isn't due for another few days).
9. Learn the reasons for asking for favours. Don't ask for days off when you know that all you're going to do is sit home and slack - you're just wasting imperial favour. If it's something really important, like Mambo night or something, try to at least stay the morning to talk to your boss/colleagues (relationship/building, we call it) before running off. And if things suddenly need to be done, don't run away and disappear - it reflects really badly on you. Stay a little while, and once everyone seems to have something to do, announce that you would really love to stay but have to leave there and then. It's all about tact, people.
10. Get an understudy. It's no good being the only indispensable guy around - sometimes they really need you. The attention goes a long way in helping you get what you want, but if you can get another subject into the limelight you can retire from your duties and continue to enjoy imperial favour at the same time. Talk this over with your boss, express concern that after you ORD things might start spiralling downwards. Don't wait until it's too late. Get a reliable understudy, not some dumb slack shit, and start teaching him. If you are so capable the duties you handle can't be covered by one person alone, get two. Teach them well, slowly hand over your duties to them, and tiptoe out of the limelight. Chip in occasionally on more important matters so you don't look like you're slacking. Whenever people ask, say you're supervising. Of course, don't forget everything you've learned from your job. Not ORD yet, leh.
Once things are in place, you have the favour of your big boss (the biggest guy in the department; the smaller ones are not so important, though it's good to get some support there. otherwise, your'e good as long as they don't hate you) and you have someone to cover your duties, you're good to go. take off whenever you see the need to. if you can't, try taking leave. if that fails, don't push your luck. If you take things slowly you can probably still get one or two days off per fortnight.
Spam? No, It's Information
I am going to keep this post real short because I have only one thing to tell you about.
Here is a the address of the 1st Battalion Guards' Website.
http://www.1guards.com
Do leave your comments behind in the guestbook.
Why am I doing this? Because I helped in it.
Cheers!
Here is a the address of the 1st Battalion Guards' Website.
http://www.1guards.com
Do leave your comments behind in the guestbook.
Why am I doing this? Because I helped in it.
Cheers!
The New SAF
Ah, the army chinaware of our times....
who can forget the bulky mess tin which gets blackened and stained after every hot meal...
the old mess tin....
And the old mess mug we tucked in our SBO, which gets dirtied with mud and leaves in the jungle. Beside the 1st 3 mths of BMT, who would drink from it?
The old mess mug..(kidney shaped)...
And now, the SAF has taken fashion and 2-in-1 trend into consideration!
Introducing the hip, cool mess-multi-purpose-kit!
From dull grey, to trendy camo green!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a Mug....to a pot!
who can forget the bulky mess tin which gets blackened and stained after every hot meal...
the old mess tin....
And the old mess mug we tucked in our SBO, which gets dirtied with mud and leaves in the jungle. Beside the 1st 3 mths of BMT, who would drink from it?
The old mess mug..(kidney shaped)...
And now, the SAF has taken fashion and 2-in-1 trend into consideration!
Introducing the hip, cool mess-multi-purpose-kit!
From dull grey, to trendy camo green!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a Mug....to a pot!
Thursday, May 05, 2005
I am a weenner!
Whaddya know? They ran my dulce et decorum est pro patria mori story on the National Servicemen's website (MIW - Mindef Internet World). Last month, I submitted one of my old posts from here as an entry in a contest organized by them.
I was hoping for a big prize, like two years off reservist training or something. Instead I now have an MIW water bottle, a CD of Army songs by Jack Neo, Dick Lee and Sheikh Haikel and a two week pass to California Fitness. As Cowboy Caleb said to me, 'what you think? They give you Toyota Camry ah?'
Must tell them to buck up. Else every month, like this month, mine will be the only entry they'll receive.
Wow, I won! Who'dve thunk it?
I was hoping for a big prize, like two years off reservist training or something. Instead I now have an MIW water bottle, a CD of Army songs by Jack Neo, Dick Lee and Sheikh Haikel and a two week pass to California Fitness. As Cowboy Caleb said to me, 'what you think? They give you Toyota Camry ah?'
Must tell them to buck up. Else every month, like this month, mine will be the only entry they'll receive.
Wow, I won! Who'dve thunk it?
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
The shitty life of an MTO
A day in the life of an MTO
Monday
0745: Fall men in
0815: Start first parade. Watch late stragglers stroll in. "Why you late", I ask. "Traffic jam lah, sir." Give him benefit of doubt, but wonder what I'm going to say to him next time. Receive call on handphone: "Sir, got urgent business at home, can take urgent leave or not?" Resist urge to say no, tell him to be back by lunch. Note to self: call up home and ask about family situation. All the other stragglers sign 1 extra.
0830: Dismissed. Drivers start coming to office asking about medical appointments. I don't have the time (though I constantly swear to make time) to check on them, so I sign the Off Pass Book hesitantly. Note to self: Check on drivers.
0845: "Sir, I cannot go on exercise, not feeling well lah". "Fuck you lah, everything also doewan to go Nevermind, just tell the conducting officer and tell the medic to keep a lookout for you". "But Sir, safety leh..." "Kanina better go now before you really have to call for medic Nevermind, anything happen I answer". Shudder as I recount tales of how other MTOs tried the hard method and got more than half the MT Line on MC (authentic or not I don't know.)
0900: "Sir, canteen break?" *sigh. look at watch* Report back to me by 0930.
1000: Canteen dudes not back yet. Call them up: "Sir, we helping out at the other MT Line, will be back after lunch" "OK, but kanina next time give me a call lah, all have my number right? Cheebye man all of you..." "Sorry lah sir, busy mah." I let the matter drop.
1100: MT Sergeant (DXO, by the way) complains about drivers. Not signing logbooks, not signing stuff in and out properly. "Just give them extra lah". "Sir, you talk to them better lah". "Ok, I try, but unless the vehicles get sorted out there's not much I can do". Which is true: I'm busy enough trying to get the daily vehicle detailing (list of who goes where to do what in which vehicle. one list per workday. from 3 different units within the same camp.), so I leave maintenance under the care of the supervisors. Doesn't seem to be working out too well.
1115: Talk to drivers about lack of accounting. "Hard lah sir, some vehicles cannot even find logbook *mental eye-popping on my part here*, how to sign?" "Take another vehicle lah" "So many off-road (unserviceable) ones, troublesome to find lah. Take 5 vehicle, all 5 cannot drive" "This time let you off. Next time go and find one working one with logbook, understand?" "Yes sir". Don't like giving too many extras. Lowers MT Line morale, and any MTO would know driver morale is everything, since it is directly linked to attendance. Note to self: One of these days, fuck care them and just whack. One of these days.
1200: Receive call from QM: "Hey, want to go lunch?" "Go where?" "Cookhouse?" "Fuck lah, cookhouse food so shitty." "Then hawker centre loh." "Ok, you pick me up when you ready ar?" "Can."
1215: Honk from QM's vehicle. "Eh, sorry leh, today got many calls lah, stupid last0minute indents. you go ahead first, da bao for me can?" QM sighs. "No problem. you look quite stress leh, how's things here?" "Hoh, how's things ar? I ready to demolish 5tonner already leh." "Wah, lax man. I go now, talk to you later".
1300: Lunch arrives. I eat at table. Drivers comment. "Fuck you all lah, you want to eat in driver's office also can lah, you drop you lick up loh." "You say one ah, Sir?" "yalayala". MT sergeant not in office, so to hell with the no eating rule. I'm quite a slack guy; my command philosophy palces a lot of emphasis on personal responsibility, you see. Which the drivers still lack.
1315: Leftover drivers start vehicle servicing. Which is alot like weapon and equipment cleaning, but is more troublesome and has more implications.
1330: Mid-day parade. Spend 1/2 hour tracking down all missing personnel. Water parade. "Eh, driver movement board not for decoration one leh. Better update, or got nice stuff coming your way". "Yes sir *giggles coming from behind*" "Funny right, ar?" "No sir." Note to self: find one day, do spot check, all those never update sign extra. Well, there's not a whole lot of choice I have in terms of punishment. No push-ups. So there's extras and suspension of leave (moot point, since most of them will just get appointments, some with valid reasons), and summary trial. Not that I can spare any drivers sitting idle in DB.
1400: Phone call. "I asked for driver for today leh, where's he?" "Eh, dont' have yoru indent here leh" "Eh, I indented 3 months ago leh *yeah, and I was still a fucking cadet leh*, you all say can how come now cannot" "Wait, I check for you" MT sergeant says he cannot confirm, since his inbox got wiped out when they installed the new LCD screen WinXP computers "I try to get driver for you now, so hold on, hor". I honestly think he's just smoking me but have no way to confirm, and don't really need another complaint being sent to my boss.
1405: try to wake up driver. "wah sir, so many drivers sitting around you get them leh" "fuck you lah they all storemen lah" "deh! got so many drivers sleeping in rest area?" "those 2 resting for night exercise lah! go and check vehicle now!" "sir, exercise also can go now right? we last time also like that one what..." *kureshii controls urge to fall all drivers in and make them watch as this fucking driver checks his vehicle before moving out* "just go now, no questions" "sir, got off or not" "fuck you, understand?"
1410: wanker calls again. "yes, your vehicle going down now. jt wait a bit. ok? thank you, bye bye".
1430: plan detailing for next week. I just took over detailing from the previous guy a week ago, so things are still quite hectic. notice that the local training school has intelligently clumped 4 major exercises within a 3-day slot weeks down the road.
what the fuck is wrong with these training branch people? I have 30 drivers on paper; 10 are on course, 3 are excuse driving long-term, about 3 on average will be on MC each day, 3 are going to ORD, how many does that leave me with? You do the math.
1440: Send request for more drivers to XTptBn. Meeting in 2 days time to confirm results of request. [update: they gave me 4 drivers, out of 19 requested]. Send email to training branch, informing them of their oversight. Request for them to push 2 exercises to the next week. Email comes back: cannot push, last week of course for trainees already, and training area need to bid 3 mths in advance. Try asking from other units. XXXXXX camp: cannot support. XX SAR: drivers on 4NTM. XXXXXXX Camp: 10 drivers just ORDed. XXXX Camp: Yet to be confirmed (but they are the POI Bn, yeah, so what do you think? Their vehicle consumption is bonkers.) [Further update: Thank God for training branch personnel who understand ground problems. Redistributed available drivers among exercises. training school isn't pleased, but accepts new arrangement]
1450: Send email again, regretfully informing them of likely inability to support. "Please try. you have 30 drivers right?" Riiiiiight.
1520: Email arrives in inbox. Not my inbox; OA account still being set up, so I'm using a storeman's account. Pathetic place. "from major A: meeting at 0900 hrs tomorrow to discuss vehicle indent. inform major B also.". Great, they just invited me for crab steak at the conference room tomorrow. again, not my fault; training requirement only came 2 weeks ago, and some people continually insist on neglecting to factor in logistical support,opting instead to tekan the QM or MTO.
1540: Send out email. "11 drivers supporting Ex XXXXXXXXX overseas in june, please send vehicle requirement for june ASAP and keep this in mind during planning." that should show them. Will send out final email briefing the whole camp on procedures for requesting vehicle, but decide to do that once my OA account is ready. Don't want to have PTE X in the From: field, lah.
1600: Urgent indent again. Can send vehicle anot? Cannot lah, no mroe drivers. Please, dis wan veeery ergen leh, need to [snip]. "Ok lah, I try lah". New officer, need to build up HR lah. And not just for my own good also; All the driver welfare has to go through HQ also. Bad PR = slow processing of driver incentives, no goretex jacket, etc. you get the idea. And I'd be too embarassed to chase them for it. Activate 1 X supervisor to drive vehicle. Thankfully he gos willingly - these guys are real dedicated, man. Says something about your MT Line when you have to resort to activating regulars to support indents.
1630: "Sir, nothing else to do already leh, fall out early?" "No" "Please, sir?" "Go and do area cleaning" "sir, quite clean already lar, no need lar" I give them the look "ok lar sir, we go and do lor".
1700: "Our vehicles for tomorrow exercise parked already or not?" "Parked already what...some of my drivers (freshly back from detail) bring them down already" "still short of 2 rovers leh" Move heaven and earth to find them, only to discover they have just been moved down. Big time fucker man, no patience at all.
1730: Last parade. MT sergeant and CSM scolds drivers.
1740: Fall out drivers.
1830: Go home. Forget all my notes to self.
Repeat for Tuesday, Wednesday and all them other weekdays. Thank God it's a 5-day-week camp.
Well, if you're wondering, all the in-between time isn't spent sleeping or anything; just all the mundane stuff like confirming stock status with storemen, checking on vehicle logbooks (which are wrongly filled in many times), making phone calls, getting phone calls, taking phone calls for duty driver ("hello, CMTL" "who's this?" "MTO" "orh, MTO Sir ah, ..." you'll notice a distinct difference between the first and second response when an LCP and below makes the call), etc.
I tell you most honestly, it's a really shitty job. With trainees and men it's much easier, because "just chiong a little more and it'll be over then we can all go for OFF!" The drivers know better: "chiong so hard, next week still got exercise, then the week after that and after that..." and I can't give them OFF so easily since I need all of them. It starts to sap you a little when you have to deal with drivers with such low morale. And it's hard to motivate them, since the rate at which indents come it's almost guaranteed they'll get their civvie license anyway, and most of them have no idea what they want to do after ORD so "wait and see lor".
What hurts most is that it's so difficult to reward those who really work hard, because I end up calling them back when things get so bad I have no choice but to. Final note to self: Give PTE Y his long overdue promotion and ORD gift and super-kilat testimonial when he ORDs in 4 weeks' time. And remember to prepare all that stuff.
Monday
0745: Fall men in
0815: Start first parade. Watch late stragglers stroll in. "Why you late", I ask. "Traffic jam lah, sir." Give him benefit of doubt, but wonder what I'm going to say to him next time. Receive call on handphone: "Sir, got urgent business at home, can take urgent leave or not?" Resist urge to say no, tell him to be back by lunch. Note to self: call up home and ask about family situation. All the other stragglers sign 1 extra.
0830: Dismissed. Drivers start coming to office asking about medical appointments. I don't have the time (though I constantly swear to make time) to check on them, so I sign the Off Pass Book hesitantly. Note to self: Check on drivers.
0845: "Sir, I cannot go on exercise, not feeling well lah". "
0900: "Sir, canteen break?" *sigh. look at watch* Report back to me by 0930.
1000: Canteen dudes not back yet. Call them up: "Sir, we helping out at the other MT Line, will be back after lunch" "OK, but kanina next time give me a call lah, all have my number right? Cheebye man all of you..." "Sorry lah sir, busy mah." I let the matter drop.
1100: MT Sergeant (DXO, by the way) complains about drivers. Not signing logbooks, not signing stuff in and out properly. "Just give them extra lah". "Sir, you talk to them better lah". "Ok, I try, but unless the vehicles get sorted out there's not much I can do". Which is true: I'm busy enough trying to get the daily vehicle detailing (list of who goes where to do what in which vehicle. one list per workday. from 3 different units within the same camp.), so I leave maintenance under the care of the supervisors. Doesn't seem to be working out too well.
1115: Talk to drivers about lack of accounting. "Hard lah sir, some vehicles cannot even find logbook *mental eye-popping on my part here*, how to sign?" "Take another vehicle lah" "So many off-road (unserviceable) ones, troublesome to find lah. Take 5 vehicle, all 5 cannot drive" "This time let you off. Next time go and find one working one with logbook, understand?" "Yes sir". Don't like giving too many extras. Lowers MT Line morale, and any MTO would know driver morale is everything, since it is directly linked to attendance. Note to self: One of these days, fuck care them and just whack. One of these days.
1200: Receive call from QM: "Hey, want to go lunch?" "Go where?" "Cookhouse?" "Fuck lah, cookhouse food so shitty." "Then hawker centre loh." "Ok, you pick me up when you ready ar?" "Can."
1215: Honk from QM's vehicle. "Eh, sorry leh, today got many calls lah, stupid last0minute indents. you go ahead first, da bao for me can?" QM sighs. "No problem. you look quite stress leh, how's things here?" "Hoh, how's things ar? I ready to demolish 5tonner already leh." "Wah, lax man. I go now, talk to you later".
1300: Lunch arrives. I eat at table. Drivers comment. "Fuck you all lah, you want to eat in driver's office also can lah, you drop you lick up loh." "You say one ah, Sir?" "yalayala". MT sergeant not in office, so to hell with the no eating rule. I'm quite a slack guy; my command philosophy palces a lot of emphasis on personal responsibility, you see. Which the drivers still lack.
1315: Leftover drivers start vehicle servicing. Which is alot like weapon and equipment cleaning, but is more troublesome and has more implications.
1. If a weapon is unserviceable, you can still bring it outfield. If a vehicle is unserviceable, bringing it out will guarantee a good fucking from log(istics) branch.
2. Unserviceable weapons and equipment is portable, and with any type of vehicle you can easily bring it to D/GSMB and get it repaired after the paperwork is done. With an unserviceable vehicle, you need to acivate the tow service. Meanwhile, it sits there and you sit there waiting to get fucked (even though it's not your fault, but this *is* the SAF).
3. To clean and maintain a weapon, you just need to bring it out of the armskote. To cleam and service a vehicle, you need to drive it to the servicing bay, and you need someone who is proficient enough in preventive maintenance. People like them are in very short supply, since they are drivers and have to go on detail too.
4. Armskotemen and storemen don't have to go outfield. Drivers do. Even then, armskotemen and storemen can do equipment maintenance outfield. Drivers cannot, except for basic stuff (tyre changing, for instance).
1330: Mid-day parade. Spend 1/2 hour tracking down all missing personnel. Water parade. "Eh, driver movement board not for decoration one leh. Better update, or got nice stuff coming your way". "Yes sir *giggles coming from behind*" "Funny right, ar?" "No sir." Note to self: find one day, do spot check, all those never update sign extra. Well, there's not a whole lot of choice I have in terms of punishment. No push-ups. So there's extras and suspension of leave (moot point, since most of them will just get appointments, some with valid reasons), and summary trial. Not that I can spare any drivers sitting idle in DB.
1400: Phone call. "I asked for driver for today leh, where's he?" "Eh, dont' have yoru indent here leh" "Eh, I indented 3 months ago leh *yeah, and I was still a fucking cadet leh*, you all say can how come now cannot" "Wait, I check for you" MT sergeant says he cannot confirm, since his inbox got wiped out when they installed the new LCD screen WinXP computers "I try to get driver for you now, so hold on, hor". I honestly think he's just smoking me but have no way to confirm, and don't really need another complaint being sent to my boss.
1405: try to wake up driver. "wah sir, so many drivers sitting around you get them leh" "fuck you lah they all storemen lah" "deh! got so many drivers sleeping in rest area?" "those 2 resting for night exercise lah! go and check vehicle now!" "sir, exercise also can go now right? we last time also like that one what..." *kureshii controls urge to fall all drivers in and make them watch as this fucking driver checks his vehicle before moving out* "just go now, no questions" "sir, got off or not" "fuck you, understand?"
1410: wanker calls again. "yes, your vehicle going down now. jt wait a bit. ok? thank you, bye bye".
1430: plan detailing for next week. I just took over detailing from the previous guy a week ago, so things are still quite hectic. notice that the local training school has intelligently clumped 4 major exercises within a 3-day slot weeks down the road.
what the fuck is wrong with these training branch people? I have 30 drivers on paper; 10 are on course, 3 are excuse driving long-term, about 3 on average will be on MC each day, 3 are going to ORD, how many does that leave me with? You do the math.
1440: Send request for more drivers to XTptBn. Meeting in 2 days time to confirm results of request. [update: they gave me 4 drivers, out of 19 requested]. Send email to training branch, informing them of their oversight. Request for them to push 2 exercises to the next week. Email comes back: cannot push, last week of course for trainees already, and training area need to bid 3 mths in advance. Try asking from other units. XXXXXX camp: cannot support. XX SAR: drivers on 4NTM. XXXXXXX Camp: 10 drivers just ORDed. XXXX Camp: Yet to be confirmed (but they are the POI Bn, yeah, so what do you think? Their vehicle consumption is bonkers.) [Further update: Thank God for training branch personnel who understand ground problems. Redistributed available drivers among exercises. training school isn't pleased, but accepts new arrangement]
1450: Send email again, regretfully informing them of likely inability to support. "Please try. you have 30 drivers right?" Riiiiiight.
1520: Email arrives in inbox. Not my inbox; OA account still being set up, so I'm using a storeman's account. Pathetic place. "from major A: meeting at 0900 hrs tomorrow to discuss vehicle indent. inform major B also.". Great, they just invited me for crab steak at the conference room tomorrow. again, not my fault; training requirement only came 2 weeks ago, and some people continually insist on neglecting to factor in logistical support,opting instead to tekan the QM or MTO.
1540: Send out email. "11 drivers supporting Ex XXXXXXXXX overseas in june, please send vehicle requirement for june ASAP and keep this in mind during planning." that should show them. Will send out final email briefing the whole camp on procedures for requesting vehicle, but decide to do that once my OA account is ready. Don't want to have PTE X in the From: field, lah.
1600: Urgent indent again. Can send vehicle anot? Cannot lah, no mroe drivers. Please, dis wan veeery ergen leh, need to [snip]. "Ok lah, I try lah". New officer, need to build up HR lah. And not just for my own good also; All the driver welfare has to go through HQ also. Bad PR = slow processing of driver incentives, no goretex jacket, etc. you get the idea. And I'd be too embarassed to chase them for it. Activate 1 X supervisor to drive vehicle. Thankfully he gos willingly - these guys are real dedicated, man. Says something about your MT Line when you have to resort to activating regulars to support indents.
1630: "Sir, nothing else to do already leh, fall out early?" "No" "Please, sir?" "Go and do area cleaning" "sir, quite clean already lar, no need lar" I give them the look "ok lar sir, we go and do lor".
1700: "Our vehicles for tomorrow exercise parked already or not?" "Parked already what...some of my drivers (freshly back from detail) bring them down already" "still short of 2 rovers leh" Move heaven and earth to find them, only to discover they have just been moved down. Big time fucker man, no patience at all.
1730: Last parade. MT sergeant and CSM scolds drivers.
1740: Fall out drivers.
1830: Go home. Forget all my notes to self.
Repeat for Tuesday, Wednesday and all them other weekdays. Thank God it's a 5-day-week camp.
Well, if you're wondering, all the in-between time isn't spent sleeping or anything; just all the mundane stuff like confirming stock status with storemen, checking on vehicle logbooks (which are wrongly filled in many times), making phone calls, getting phone calls, taking phone calls for duty driver ("hello, CMTL" "who's this?" "MTO" "orh, MTO Sir ah, ..." you'll notice a distinct difference between the first and second response when an LCP and below makes the call), etc.
I tell you most honestly, it's a really shitty job. With trainees and men it's much easier, because "just chiong a little more and it'll be over then we can all go for OFF!" The drivers know better: "chiong so hard, next week still got exercise, then the week after that and after that..." and I can't give them OFF so easily since I need all of them. It starts to sap you a little when you have to deal with drivers with such low morale. And it's hard to motivate them, since the rate at which indents come it's almost guaranteed they'll get their civvie license anyway, and most of them have no idea what they want to do after ORD so "wait and see lor".
What hurts most is that it's so difficult to reward those who really work hard, because I end up calling them back when things get so bad I have no choice but to. Final note to self: Give PTE Y his long overdue promotion and ORD gift and super-kilat testimonial when he ORDs in 4 weeks' time. And remember to prepare all that stuff.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Dead Boring Stuff
Ok, I am back again...
... This time with two videos (not porn if that is what you are thinking of)
Officer Cadet School Song Video - I made this for my friend initially, he is die hard about going to OCS. So good luck to him.
Standard Obstacle Course Video - I made this for those who are enlisting soon, and wondering what/how the hell the SOC looks like and what those obstacles are called.
Video are not totally "made" by me, please refer to the credits for more information.
...Oh well, that's all with the good ol' boring stuff.
Now back to UniformGirl's post.
... This time with two videos (not porn if that is what you are thinking of)
Officer Cadet School Song Video - I made this for my friend initially, he is die hard about going to OCS. So good luck to him.
Standard Obstacle Course Video - I made this for those who are enlisting soon, and wondering what/how the hell the SOC looks like and what those obstacles are called.
Video are not totally "made" by me, please refer to the credits for more information.
...Oh well, that's all with the good ol' boring stuff.
Now back to UniformGirl's post.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Excerpts from a Brunei Diary
Day 1 :: We arrive in base camp to discover, much to our surprise, that there actually are SAF barracks more rundown than ours back in Singapore.
Even if we did have to go to another country to find them.
Our longhouses are right at the top of the hill - joy.
There aren't enough lockers, so we are forced to keep our kit under/next to the double bunks. This does nothing to ameliorate the cramped conditions. What lockers there are have all been vandalised with ominous messages promising eternal suffering, ripping of hair and much gnashing of teeth.
And that's just the ones in reference to the camp food.
Discover the toilets are infested with giant cicadas with suicidal tendencies - they fly around blindly, hitting the walls, ceiling and you. All but the bravest lose inclination for a shower.
Day 2 :: Compass course. First impression - Ohmygod this place is hot.
Day 3 :: First navex (navigation exercise). Realise that an alarming number of knolls are of the variety which need to be climbed on hands and feet and sometimes even with the help of a toggle rope, and descended on the seat of your pants.
Despair of ever making it through 17 more days of this.
Thank God we'll probably never have to go to war in Brunei.
It starts raining torrentially just before we harbour, resulting in a cold, miserable night.
Day 6 :: Swamp topo. An assault boat (glorified name for what is essentially a metal bath-tub) drops us off along a river bank - not a river bank as in, picnic-on-the-river-bank, rather, the mangrove variety.
We hop off the boat and promptly sink waist deep in mud. Morale sinks exponentially. Wish we had brought money with which to bribe the boatman to drop us off nearer the endpoint.
Extricate ourselves only to find the morass extends quite some distance inland. Wonder what happens if everyone gets stuck at the same time.
Eventually reach dry ground (dry is an extremely relative term). Stinking mud is replaced with impenetrable thorns. Everyone gets a good workout with the parang.
Kick myself for not having bought full-finger gloves. My fingers resemble shredded meat more and more as the day goes on.
What appeared as a stream on the map has been swollen by rain into a fast-flowing river. With much trepidation we load the live rounds issued - purportedly to protect against crocs, but which are seeming more and more like a quick end to the misery - and combat-swim across the river. Someone is almost swept away.
Later we find ourselves waist-deep in a very large, stagnant pool of water. With water running low, the endpoint still an eternity away and no streams on the map, I attempt to strain the particle-filled brown water into my bottle with a wet tissue. The water can't get through, so i just fill the bottle and pop in a puritab. Drink some, constantly repeating "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". Try my best to ignore my traitorous brain placing emphasis on the first half of the phrase.
As the dusk cut-off timing for pickup draws closer we strike back out towards the river bank as we reach the endpoint. At one point we are neck-deep in water, with a soft mud bottom. Try to avoid thinking about sinking into the mud.
Eventually reach what we think is the endpoint - we can't get a GPS confirmation - with exhausted relief. Radio in for pickup. Blow our whistles wildly as we hear the boat approaching, approaching, approaching...Then it passes us and the sound of the motor fades in the distance. We've overshot the endpoint. Our point man suddenly takes an intense interest in the ground at his feet.
Part 2 coming soo...when i can get off my ass to write it.
Even if we did have to go to another country to find them.
Our longhouses are right at the top of the hill - joy.
There aren't enough lockers, so we are forced to keep our kit under/next to the double bunks. This does nothing to ameliorate the cramped conditions. What lockers there are have all been vandalised with ominous messages promising eternal suffering, ripping of hair and much gnashing of teeth.
And that's just the ones in reference to the camp food.
Discover the toilets are infested with giant cicadas with suicidal tendencies - they fly around blindly, hitting the walls, ceiling and you. All but the bravest lose inclination for a shower.
Day 2 :: Compass course. First impression - Ohmygod this place is hot.
Day 3 :: First navex (navigation exercise). Realise that an alarming number of knolls are of the variety which need to be climbed on hands and feet and sometimes even with the help of a toggle rope, and descended on the seat of your pants.
Despair of ever making it through 17 more days of this.
Thank God we'll probably never have to go to war in Brunei.
It starts raining torrentially just before we harbour, resulting in a cold, miserable night.
Day 6 :: Swamp topo. An assault boat (glorified name for what is essentially a metal bath-tub) drops us off along a river bank - not a river bank as in, picnic-on-the-river-bank, rather, the mangrove variety.
We hop off the boat and promptly sink waist deep in mud. Morale sinks exponentially. Wish we had brought money with which to bribe the boatman to drop us off nearer the endpoint.
Extricate ourselves only to find the morass extends quite some distance inland. Wonder what happens if everyone gets stuck at the same time.
Eventually reach dry ground (dry is an extremely relative term). Stinking mud is replaced with impenetrable thorns. Everyone gets a good workout with the parang.
Kick myself for not having bought full-finger gloves. My fingers resemble shredded meat more and more as the day goes on.
What appeared as a stream on the map has been swollen by rain into a fast-flowing river. With much trepidation we load the live rounds issued - purportedly to protect against crocs, but which are seeming more and more like a quick end to the misery - and combat-swim across the river. Someone is almost swept away.
Later we find ourselves waist-deep in a very large, stagnant pool of water. With water running low, the endpoint still an eternity away and no streams on the map, I attempt to strain the particle-filled brown water into my bottle with a wet tissue. The water can't get through, so i just fill the bottle and pop in a puritab. Drink some, constantly repeating "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". Try my best to ignore my traitorous brain placing emphasis on the first half of the phrase.
As the dusk cut-off timing for pickup draws closer we strike back out towards the river bank as we reach the endpoint. At one point we are neck-deep in water, with a soft mud bottom. Try to avoid thinking about sinking into the mud.
Eventually reach what we think is the endpoint - we can't get a GPS confirmation - with exhausted relief. Radio in for pickup. Blow our whistles wildly as we hear the boat approaching, approaching, approaching...Then it passes us and the sound of the motor fades in the distance. We've overshot the endpoint. Our point man suddenly takes an intense interest in the ground at his feet.
Part 2 coming soo...when i can get off my ass to write it.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
What to bring to BMT
Some idiot senior of mine, told me to bring pajamas to sleep in. i asked him if this was a joke, his response was "Joke? no lah! all my sections mates wear pajamas to sleep one!"
Thank god I ignored him and i seriously think he is gay.
Thank god I ignored him and i seriously think he is gay.
Fuck you lah!
The day before we were to pass out from Basic Training, we were all in a really happy and relaxed mood. We were pretty much given free reign to just chill out and relax. All of the sudden, we heard swearing and shouting coming from inside the company line office. 2 minutes later, my platoon mate came out with a very dejected look on his face. This is what we found out had happened.
My platoon mate had gone in to the company line office to check on what time we were to fall in for lunch on that day. By this time, the Sergeants were really slack with us, and we were talking to them more like friends, even though we still showed them respect. My friend cracked a joke to my Sergeant who then retorted with a “Fuck you lah!”, which my friend quickly responded with a middle finger and a “Fuck you too!”. Both men were laughing all the time this was happening.
What they both did not notice, was just as my friend raised his middle finger, my CSM (Company Sergeant Major) walked in and saw him in the process. What followed was a very loud and gigantic dressing down by my CSM. 2 days later, while we were all packing up for our 1 week block leave, my poor friend was sweeping out the company line office as he had to sign 7 extra duties and so all his block leave was cancelled.
My platoon mate had gone in to the company line office to check on what time we were to fall in for lunch on that day. By this time, the Sergeants were really slack with us, and we were talking to them more like friends, even though we still showed them respect. My friend cracked a joke to my Sergeant who then retorted with a “Fuck you lah!”, which my friend quickly responded with a middle finger and a “Fuck you too!”. Both men were laughing all the time this was happening.
What they both did not notice, was just as my friend raised his middle finger, my CSM (Company Sergeant Major) walked in and saw him in the process. What followed was a very loud and gigantic dressing down by my CSM. 2 days later, while we were all packing up for our 1 week block leave, my poor friend was sweeping out the company line office as he had to sign 7 extra duties and so all his block leave was cancelled.
Commando vs runway
I have a cousin who was the squadron commander of the C-130 Herc squadron in the RSAF. In fact, I think if anyone was in the RSAF about 6 to 7 years ago might know of him, if was quiet a character and pretty infamous. This is one of the stories about him and his little games.
As we all know, the Herc is a transport aircraft used by the RSAF to carry big loads and also to air drop Commandos and their equipment. Although my cousin was a pilot, he incredibly has a phobia of heights. In fact, he always used to call the Commandos “Siao!” for wanting to jump out of a perfectly fine aircraft. As I am sure most of you also know, airborne jumps are always kinda risky things. If you land just wrong, you can easily break an ankle.
My cousin, being who he is, used to play this game while the commandos were out jumping. Upon hearing an ambulance driving onto the landing zone, he would move over to the squadron ready room white board, draw a line down the middle, and write a header of runway on one side and commando on the other, followed by a 1 under runway and a 0 under commando.
He would then announce “Ok runway 1, commando 0, anyone want to take bets on the final score?”
As we all know, the Herc is a transport aircraft used by the RSAF to carry big loads and also to air drop Commandos and their equipment. Although my cousin was a pilot, he incredibly has a phobia of heights. In fact, he always used to call the Commandos “Siao!” for wanting to jump out of a perfectly fine aircraft. As I am sure most of you also know, airborne jumps are always kinda risky things. If you land just wrong, you can easily break an ankle.
My cousin, being who he is, used to play this game while the commandos were out jumping. Upon hearing an ambulance driving onto the landing zone, he would move over to the squadron ready room white board, draw a line down the middle, and write a header of runway on one side and commando on the other, followed by a 1 under runway and a 0 under commando.
He would then announce “Ok runway 1, commando 0, anyone want to take bets on the final score?”
NS was soooo HOT!
It was a bright and sunny day, actually no, it was a freaking hot, humid and lazy afternoon in Nee Soon camp, 7BTS (Basic Training School). It was less then a week to our POP (Passing Out Parade) from BMT (Basic Military Training), and we are all in a very slack mood. I was down at the company line with one of my Sergeants drinking Coke and talking cock (See I told you damn slack) when all of the sudden we heard what sounded like a helicopter flying near us.
Hearing a helicopter in camp is not an unusual thing, especially considering my training school was a Guardsman training school (Guards = silly guys who like to jump out of helicopters) What made it REALLY unusual was that we saw the helicopter landing on the parade square in the middle of the camp. Now as many of you know, this is done only is extreme emergencies for the parade square is the sole domain of the RSM (Regimental Sergeant Major = big scary man you don wanna piss off). My Sergeant were very cuious about what was going on and so got up and moved in for a closer look.
I asked him “Got emergency exercise today huh?”
“No leh, nothing on the schedule” he replied.
Not long, we started seeing some recruits running from the canteen with what looked like bags of ice. This went on for quiet a while, and then before long we saw the main event, 2 medics carrying a stretcher. We thought “OK must be heat stroke” and started walking back, no big deal. However, just as were turning around, ANOTHER stretcher appeared from around the corner. Then in the space of 1 min, yet ANOTHER stretcher appeared. A total of 3 stretchers were being loaded onto the Super Puma helicopter! 3 heat stroke victims all at the same time!
After we soaked in the whole scene, we both said the same thing at the same time, “PTI (Physical Training Instructor) and the PC (Platoon Commander) sure die liao!”
Hearing a helicopter in camp is not an unusual thing, especially considering my training school was a Guardsman training school (Guards = silly guys who like to jump out of helicopters) What made it REALLY unusual was that we saw the helicopter landing on the parade square in the middle of the camp. Now as many of you know, this is done only is extreme emergencies for the parade square is the sole domain of the RSM (Regimental Sergeant Major = big scary man you don wanna piss off). My Sergeant were very cuious about what was going on and so got up and moved in for a closer look.
I asked him “Got emergency exercise today huh?”
“No leh, nothing on the schedule” he replied.
Not long, we started seeing some recruits running from the canteen with what looked like bags of ice. This went on for quiet a while, and then before long we saw the main event, 2 medics carrying a stretcher. We thought “OK must be heat stroke” and started walking back, no big deal. However, just as were turning around, ANOTHER stretcher appeared from around the corner. Then in the space of 1 min, yet ANOTHER stretcher appeared. A total of 3 stretchers were being loaded onto the Super Puma helicopter! 3 heat stroke victims all at the same time!
After we soaked in the whole scene, we both said the same thing at the same time, “PTI (Physical Training Instructor) and the PC (Platoon Commander) sure die liao!”
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Cable Guy
Nicholas Liu never fails to deliver some of the funniest lines about his stint in NS, which he's still serving:
Read more about Nick's week here.
This week was cutting wire, stripping wire, reeling wire, unreeling wire, untangling wire, knocking chopsticks into the ground with rocks (wonders of technology!) in order to tie wire around them, and bashing through vegetation carrying 20 kg of wire on my back.
I am getting a little tired of being what is essentially a combat electrician.
Read more about Nick's week here.
Friday, April 22, 2005
All World Leaders Should Read This
10 Dos for Presidents and Heads of State who wish to come to Singapore on official state visits. (So as to make life easier for us, the poor sods who have to mount the welcome honour guard.)
1. Please give ample notice of your arrival. By protocol, a Head of State or President will have a 72-man Guard-of-Honour to welcome him. So, for 72 men, not including the parade markers, Colour Ensigns and Colour Escorts, to get their drill movements to coordinate well is not easy at all. So rehearsals are needed. So we need TIME.
2. Arrive at the time you indicated. Reasoning is very simple, arrive earlier than the time you said you'll arrive, and the Aide-De-Camp will be scrambling to get the parade formed up the moment the advance warning is relayed by the CISCO duty personnel at the Istana main gate. Arrive late, and you'll have about 80 men standing in the hot sun waiting for your grand arrival. And don't forget, protocol also dictates that the counterpart will receive the guest. So if a President visits, our very own Uncle S.R Nathan will be the one who receives him. It is not nice to make an old man wait in the sun for you. No matter how dua bai you are, have some courtesy and punctuality.
3. Come with a small entourage. The Istana is landscaped like a park, not some multi-storey carpark. There's no need to come with a procession of more than 10 vehicles, with your Prime Minister, Foreign Minister, Deputy Foreign Minister, father, mother, wife, mistress, son, daughter, uncles, aunts or cousins tagging along. And really, there's no need for 5 vehicles to be filled with just personal bodyguards. Singapore's a very safe place, no one will actually attempt to assassinate you here. And if you're that dua bai to the extent that someone might actually assassinate you, Uncle Nathan will be the one visiting you, not the other way round.
4. Adopt a National Anthem that's short and sweet. Before visiting Singapore, kindly persuade your Parliament/Congress/Senate or whatever legislative council in your country to change the National Anthem to a piece that's less than 1 minute long. As protocol dictates(again), as the Presidential Salute is presented to the visiting President, the accompanying music will be of the guest country's National Anthem, followed by the host country's National Anthem. Readers out there, you have no idea how tiring it is to stand absolutely still in the Present Arms, or Hormat Senjata, for 4 mins (South African National Anthem, Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika), followed by another 1.5 mins as Majulah Singapura plays. Arms go numb, rifles start to wobble, and bayonets begin to rattle. How unprofessional-sounding.
5. Make your way to the dais fast. When you arrive, the Guard-of-Honour would probably have been waiting for more than 20 minutes in the sun. Refrain from making small talk with Uncle Nathan after you step out of the car. Just make your way to the dais for the Presidential Salute.
6. Make the inspection of the Guard-of-Honour a quick one. For a 72-man GOH, only the front rank (out of 3 ranks) will be inspected. That means a total of 24 men to walk past, plus the paying of compliments to the Regimental and State Colours. For that, it's only a quick salute (for military personnel) as you walk past the Colours, or a acknowledging nod (non-military personnel) as you shuffle past. And for goodness's sake, NEVER EVER stop to ask a guardsman questions, since you won't remember what you asked of him 5 minutes later. You know that, WE know that.
7. Don't act blur. After the inspection's completed allow yourself to be ushered back to the dais. After that, whatever the Parade Commander asks of you, just say yes. If you can't even say that in English, just nod. Please do not stand there and act blur. Logically the Parade Commander's asking for permission to carry on with the ceremony, and not, "how's the wife and kids?"
8. Just get on with it. After you give permission for the parade to proceed and the salute's presented, just acknowledge and allow yourself to be ushered away into the Istana main building. Please do not launch into a speech there and then thanking all and sundry about how honoured you are to be in Singapore and how impressed by the Guard-of-Honour that you just inspected blah blah blah (this happens, really). You ought to be anyway.
9. Disappear, fast. After you enter the foyer of the Istana main building and the 2 sentries present arms, kindly move quickly into the building and just disappear from our sight. As long as you're within view and earshot of the Guard-of-Honour, the parade cannot be dismissed. At that point of time, all we want is to fall out and get a well-deserved break. So just make yourself scarce.
10. Don't even visit at all. Enough said.
1. Please give ample notice of your arrival. By protocol, a Head of State or President will have a 72-man Guard-of-Honour to welcome him. So, for 72 men, not including the parade markers, Colour Ensigns and Colour Escorts, to get their drill movements to coordinate well is not easy at all. So rehearsals are needed. So we need TIME.
2. Arrive at the time you indicated. Reasoning is very simple, arrive earlier than the time you said you'll arrive, and the Aide-De-Camp will be scrambling to get the parade formed up the moment the advance warning is relayed by the CISCO duty personnel at the Istana main gate. Arrive late, and you'll have about 80 men standing in the hot sun waiting for your grand arrival. And don't forget, protocol also dictates that the counterpart will receive the guest. So if a President visits, our very own Uncle S.R Nathan will be the one who receives him. It is not nice to make an old man wait in the sun for you. No matter how dua bai you are, have some courtesy and punctuality.
3. Come with a small entourage. The Istana is landscaped like a park, not some multi-storey carpark. There's no need to come with a procession of more than 10 vehicles, with your Prime Minister, Foreign Minister, Deputy Foreign Minister, father, mother, wife, mistress, son, daughter, uncles, aunts or cousins tagging along. And really, there's no need for 5 vehicles to be filled with just personal bodyguards. Singapore's a very safe place, no one will actually attempt to assassinate you here. And if you're that dua bai to the extent that someone might actually assassinate you, Uncle Nathan will be the one visiting you, not the other way round.
4. Adopt a National Anthem that's short and sweet. Before visiting Singapore, kindly persuade your Parliament/Congress/Senate or whatever legislative council in your country to change the National Anthem to a piece that's less than 1 minute long. As protocol dictates(again), as the Presidential Salute is presented to the visiting President, the accompanying music will be of the guest country's National Anthem, followed by the host country's National Anthem. Readers out there, you have no idea how tiring it is to stand absolutely still in the Present Arms, or Hormat Senjata, for 4 mins (South African National Anthem, Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika), followed by another 1.5 mins as Majulah Singapura plays. Arms go numb, rifles start to wobble, and bayonets begin to rattle. How unprofessional-sounding.
5. Make your way to the dais fast. When you arrive, the Guard-of-Honour would probably have been waiting for more than 20 minutes in the sun. Refrain from making small talk with Uncle Nathan after you step out of the car. Just make your way to the dais for the Presidential Salute.
6. Make the inspection of the Guard-of-Honour a quick one. For a 72-man GOH, only the front rank (out of 3 ranks) will be inspected. That means a total of 24 men to walk past, plus the paying of compliments to the Regimental and State Colours. For that, it's only a quick salute (for military personnel) as you walk past the Colours, or a acknowledging nod (non-military personnel) as you shuffle past. And for goodness's sake, NEVER EVER stop to ask a guardsman questions, since you won't remember what you asked of him 5 minutes later. You know that, WE know that.
7. Don't act blur. After the inspection's completed allow yourself to be ushered back to the dais. After that, whatever the Parade Commander asks of you, just say yes. If you can't even say that in English, just nod. Please do not stand there and act blur. Logically the Parade Commander's asking for permission to carry on with the ceremony, and not, "how's the wife and kids?"
8. Just get on with it. After you give permission for the parade to proceed and the salute's presented, just acknowledge and allow yourself to be ushered away into the Istana main building. Please do not launch into a speech there and then thanking all and sundry about how honoured you are to be in Singapore and how impressed by the Guard-of-Honour that you just inspected blah blah blah (this happens, really). You ought to be anyway.
9. Disappear, fast. After you enter the foyer of the Istana main building and the 2 sentries present arms, kindly move quickly into the building and just disappear from our sight. As long as you're within view and earshot of the Guard-of-Honour, the parade cannot be dismissed. At that point of time, all we want is to fall out and get a well-deserved break. So just make yourself scarce.
10. Don't even visit at all. Enough said.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
"Psycho Theory"
As we know SAF comes out with lots and lots of “campaign” to reassures our citizens that our land is well-protected and to attract the youngsters out there to join the SAF.
1) The posters/media – They are all around Singapore, in practically every location possible. Advertisements better known as posters appear on the buses/trains terminal, and also on bus/train itself, advertisements clips on television/movies threatre and the modeling toys/recruitment postcards that they sent to your mailbox. They are working on something called, “what you see everyday can influence you.” These stuff are wonderfully crafted, and always have that very “cool” look. And one more thing is that, no obese personnel had been featured in the posters yet.
2) Uniforms – The uniforms, be it the common camouflage number 4 or the ultra smart looking number 1 uniform. SAF uniforms have made differentiation of many servicemen hard from far (provided they wear their head-dress too). But many women have certainly found uniformed man very attractive. Yes, I agree, all the uniform looks smart and cool. I personally hope to have a chance to wear that number 1…
3) Exhibitions – We have got all sort of open house, where the army/air force/navy exhibit their skills, technologies and equipments. They allow people to “play” with rifles, take a ride on the vehicles, put on camouflage cream on their face, allowing young kid to wear the different type of uniforms and so on… At the exhibitions most of the personnel there would be very friendly to visitors even the most unfriendly person in the SAF. Good public image achieved.
4) Songs/Music – You would have to agree that songs does affect people’s mood. I don’t know how to say it but the songs here but I kind of got sucked into the lyrics of the song…
Music played on certain/different occasion will have a very strong impact on someone feelings too. Here is a very simple example, when you go to school (primary/secondary school), the national anthem would be played, and you are “forced” to sing along, and you don’t like that at all. But if you are at the NDP, and when the national anthem is played, you would actually feel that “something special”.
Maybe there is more, but these are the few I came across.
I guess they are people out there that are immune to all these but I am not...
Again, pardon me for my bad language.
1) The posters/media – They are all around Singapore, in practically every location possible. Advertisements better known as posters appear on the buses/trains terminal, and also on bus/train itself, advertisements clips on television/movies threatre and the modeling toys/recruitment postcards that they sent to your mailbox. They are working on something called, “what you see everyday can influence you.” These stuff are wonderfully crafted, and always have that very “cool” look. And one more thing is that, no obese personnel had been featured in the posters yet.
2) Uniforms – The uniforms, be it the common camouflage number 4 or the ultra smart looking number 1 uniform. SAF uniforms have made differentiation of many servicemen hard from far (provided they wear their head-dress too). But many women have certainly found uniformed man very attractive. Yes, I agree, all the uniform looks smart and cool. I personally hope to have a chance to wear that number 1…
3) Exhibitions – We have got all sort of open house, where the army/air force/navy exhibit their skills, technologies and equipments. They allow people to “play” with rifles, take a ride on the vehicles, put on camouflage cream on their face, allowing young kid to wear the different type of uniforms and so on… At the exhibitions most of the personnel there would be very friendly to visitors even the most unfriendly person in the SAF. Good public image achieved.
4) Songs/Music – You would have to agree that songs does affect people’s mood. I don’t know how to say it but the songs here but I kind of got sucked into the lyrics of the song…
Music played on certain/different occasion will have a very strong impact on someone feelings too. Here is a very simple example, when you go to school (primary/secondary school), the national anthem would be played, and you are “forced” to sing along, and you don’t like that at all. But if you are at the NDP, and when the national anthem is played, you would actually feel that “something special”.
Maybe there is more, but these are the few I came across.
I guess they are people out there that are immune to all these but I am not...
Again, pardon me for my bad language.
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